Smelling the Roses

I'm Moving!

2008-07-31T09:34:00.001-04:00

Hey y'all, in case you haven't heard, I'm moving to wordpress. Please add me to your favorites, then stop by and say hello to me in my new space!
http://amyellison.wordpress.com/

funny business

2008-07-23T23:32:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about humor.

I really appreciate people who can make me laugh.

Being funny is a gift and an art.

Sitting alone with my husband one night I looked over at him and said, "I am not funny." To which Drew said, "Huh?" and then he loked at me with a pitying look and continued, "Lets just say that of the two of us, you're the serious one. But you sure know how to laugh at things that are funny."

I really wish I was funny. Once in a blue moon something will come out of my mouth that is truly, smartly funny. And it always surprises me. More often than not I keep my mouth shut and let the really funny people do their thing, because usually when I try comedy I fall hard.

There are different kinds of funny. Off the top of my head I can think of slapstick, wit, sarcasm... hmm.. there's gotta be more. what's your favorite funny?

I love wit. It takes thought, timing... I cant stand sarcasm. It's like cheap humor. Anybody can do sarcasm. Heck, even I could do sarcasm. Good slapstick usually gets laughs out of me too - but then i feel mean: sitting comfortably, laughing at someone elses misfortune.

But as my Love pointed out I can laugh. I love to laugh, it is so good for us, you know? More often than not I find myself laughing much louder than anyone else in the room, and I quickly turn down the volume and think, "Gosh! How long was I laughing so obnoxiously loud? Does it sound that loud to everyone else? Why doesnt someone ever tell me to shut my trap?"

I guess I must have good friends. And thank God so many of them are funny, otherwise Ms.Serious here would shrivel up from humor deprivation.

happy to have internet again.

Chapter One

2008-04-11T21:53:00.000-04:00

I have this problem when I begin to think about too many big things at once. The issues start to swirl around and around in my head and make me a bit dizzy. The most successful cure I’ve found for this ailment is to sit down and write down all those thoughts. Somehow, the act of moving my pen (or fingers if I’m typing,) moves the swirling matters out of my aching head and onto the paper/screen. It’s miraculous.

As of late, my mind has been swirling like crazy, and if I don’t get some serious blog therapy, I’m gonna get sea-saw sick.

I’ve been thinking about Moses today.

Moses had a difficult assignment. It was unpleasant I am sure: free the Israelites from Egypt’s grip, then lead the whiny bunch to a promised land. He was so sure his job was too big for him; he tried to talk God out of choosing him at first. I am sure it was a heavy burden to bear. But oh the reward! I cannot imagine being on a mountaintop face to face with my Lord. He endured some rough times, because God had a purpose that needed to be fulfilled.

I walked out of the house this morning, on my way to class, with a heavy heart. I did not want to leave my husband who had a late start at work today. Amazingly, I did not want to leave my crazy messy, and yes, even DIRTY thing that my house has become this semester. I wanted o stay home and do nothing with my husband. Just sit on the couch in his arms, quietly. I waned to really scrub my kitchen, and vacuum my dining room.

I do not like school right now. I know. I can’t believe I am saying it either. It is not because of the school itself though. I love how alive and challenged I feel while I’m sitting in class. I get excited while taking notes on something I’ve learned for the first time.

What bothers me is all the things I’m missing out on because I’m in class or doing homework so much. Time with my husband and time to clean. This semester more so than last semester, I feel like a failure as a mother/friend/spouse/sister/daughter. I have barely picked up the phone to call ANYone since January. Part of me feels that this turning inward was due to selfishness. Part of me thinks it was self-preservation – doing what I could to remain mostly sane and maintain some kind of almost normal life, and hoping my loved ones will understand my short time of silence.

It is hard to feel like a good mother when I am not doing things I used to. I am sad that I am not with my kids as much as I want. I have to believe that things will turn out okay. I am definitely considering slowing down a bit though. Possibly taking only one class in the fall. Is it wimping out? I don’t think so. I think it is being real about what is important. If nothing else, (although there’s lots else,) this year has shown me that my organizational and motivational habits need improvement. One class would still stretch me, but hopefully leave room for a little bit of normalcy for my family and me.

I do not have the same task as Moses, fortunately. But my task is difficult just the same. I am called to be out of debt, to be free from slavery. The road to freedom for me is paved not with plagues, but with books, homework and tests. I know I am doing the right thing, but I am in the middle of the not very fun part right now. It has been hard for me to see God’s face shining down on me through some thick clouds these past couple of weeks. Everywhere I turn, I see areas where I am not making the cut. I truly believe that it is good for Christians to push to accomplish more than they can by themselves, because this is when God has to step in and help – and then He gets to reap in all due glory and praise. This is a good thing. Having faith to reach out and grab whatever task He wants for us, especially when it is something we cannot possibly accomplish on our own.

I cannot stop praising my father in heaven that I have been given enough grace to accomlpish the task set before me. I know this season will be difficult, but I know that it is just that: a season. I can see already that will come out on the other side a changed woman, and for that I am grateful.

When I am feeling so pressed, I know there is One who saves me. Another incredible part of pushing further than what is comfortable, is that it pushes us to be so dependant on Christ, for strength enough to stand. Truly, writing my thoughts down on paper may relieve my headache for a moment, but it is Christ who replaces the headache with peace. When I am weak, then He is strong, then I am dependant on him for my every breath. He knows this. He longs for me to stay with him throughout my day. To give up food for a time to remind myself of his goodness and strength that more than compensate for my shortcomings. Truly I serve a good God.

Psalm 32:67 “Therefore let everyone who is Godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him. You are my hiding place; you will proet me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”

Psalm 1:2 “But his/(her) delight is in the law of the lard, and on his law (s)he meditates day and night. (s)He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields fruit in its season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever (s)he does prospers.”

Book Review: Critical Condition

2008-03-12T11:45:00.001-04:00

My Assignment for 3/12: Post your book review written for this class somewhere on-line. Print copy of the posting. Include in your portfolio.

America’s Health Care System Is Overdue for a Check-Up:
A Review of Donald L. Barlett and James B. Steele’s Book Critical Condition: How Health Care in America Became Big Business – and Bad Medicine

Mason McIlnay was a kindergartner living in Salem, Oregon. Leg aches began to plague him, and doctors soon discovered he had a serious childhood cancer called neuroblastoma. Mason was very sick, and nothing saddens the heart more than hearing about a sick child. He needed immediate treatment. Unfortunately, Mason’s family falls among the masses of 43 million uninsured Americans, an estimate agreed upon by experts.

Mason’s mother held the mother-of-all garage sales with the hopes of bringing in enough money to pay the tens of thousands of dollars they owed for his treatments. She made enough profit to put a dent in the mountain of debt she had been carrying, but not enough to lift the entire weight off her tired shoulders. She must continue to make huge payments for years to come. This is one of many heart-breaking stories found in Donald L. Barlett and James B. Steele’s latest book, Critical Condition: How Health Care in America Became Big Business – and Bad Medicine (Doubleday, 2004, 304 pgs.) These in-your-face accounts of despair force readers to consider how this supposedly great country could abandon so many needy and sick Americans.

Critical Condition is a reproachful analysis of America’s health care system and the damaging attempt to improve health care in America by using a market-based approach. Barlett and Steele write, “What does it say about the richest country on earth that its citizens must depend on raffles and spaghetti dinners to pay the medical bills – a situation that exists in no other civilized country?”(12). Critical Condition goes on to explain, America’s health care costs more than any other country’s: 15 percent of gross domestic product in 2003. Yet, when comparing lifespan in terms of years of healthy living, Americans rank 29th among nations – between Slovenia and Portugal. “In sum, Americans pay for a Hummer but get a Ford Escort,” writes Barlett and Steele (13). Sadly, they do not get around to offering a solution until the last fifteen pages of the book. This latest collaboration by the authors effectively shows how America’s health care is failing miserably, but without much attention given to possible solutions, readers are left feeling hopeless.

This bleak examination of America’s health care is the seventh book by the Pulitzer prize-winning investigative team. These men have been working together for over thirty years: first at the Philadelphia Inquirer, then at Time magazine, and now at Vanity Fair. (barlettandsteele.com). They are the authors of the 1992 book America: What Went Wrong, an analysis of the apparent trend toward a middle class decline, which spent eight months on the New York Times bestseller list. Describing Barlett and Steele’s approach in America: What Went Wrong, Remesh Ponnuru commented in the National Review that the authors prefer “to tell economic history as a morality play, with venal politicians and greedy, short-sighted CEOs ganging up on working stiffs.” Story-telling is an effective method of selling an idea, and seems to be a favored approach of the authors in many of their works. Working together for so many years has obviously refined their teamwork and deepened their investigative ability. Barlett and Steele are experienced in digging deep to discover things the average American citizen would not likely find otherwise.

Barlett and Steele provide plenty of true stories to demonstrate their points, to help readers relate and perhaps even be moved to compassion. Like the story of Jack and Donna Brown. Donna, a waitress, was uninsured but needed colon surgery. Her hospital bill was a whopping $57,000 that she just could not pay. The hospital sued, and she lost her home. The authors then follow a horrific story such as this with strong supporting evidence of the problem at hand.
Without fail, Barlett and Steele provide gripping evidence that proves the truly critical condition of our health care system. Barlett and Steele state, “Nearly one of every three dollars now spent on health care goes for administration” (170). The book explains that American consumers pay more for fewer benefits while contending with a lack of choice in providers and prices. Frustrated patients and Physicians are dealing with billing chaos and confusion caused by the excessive number of health plans. To increase profit, providers overcharge the uninsured and limit hospital stays with overly restrictive guidelines. Pressured hospitals dangerously cut costs by cutting number of staff and supplies and reducing sterilization. Undertrained and overworked nurses make frightening mistakes. The media contributes to the problem as well, Barlett and Steel suggest, by urging people to undergo countless unnecessary tests and causing an overuse of the system, which drives up prices. Pharmaceutical giants push off-label prescriptions (untested combinations of tested drugs like the infamous fenphen) and the FDA has suspiciously slow response times to side-affect concerns. HMO and hospital chain CEO’s seem to care more about the bottom line and their own lavish lifestyles than they do about the lives of their fellow American citizens. And all this madness is because, Barlett and Steele propose, in the end anyone who has any power in this crazy system ultimately chooses their pocketbook over morality. “At best it’s a costly and wasteful system that siphons off precious health care dollars. At worst, it causes injury and death” (159). Page after page, chapter after chapter, the authors give shocking examples of the system’s complete failure.

Aptly included in the title, Critical Condition: How Health Care in America Became Big Business – and Bad Medicine, are the words “big business and bad medicine” – an unfortunate combination for American citizens. In Critical Condition, Barlett and Steele explain that corporate decisions at a marketing company, for example, “may have economic consequences affecting the paychecks, dividends, or stock options of workers, executives and investors.” However, “the same decisions in a health care company are matters of life and death” (154). The book’s title effectively echoes this belief.

Critical Condition is written for not only politicians and physicians (though they should absolutely read it) but for average American health care consumers. Their writing style is easy for those average citizens to understand and achieves the authors’ desired response: won over by the authors’ persuasiveness, rallied proponents are ready for change – although readers may not realize they have not been given all the information they need. In the conservative-leaning Newsweek magazine, Robert J. Samuelson states that Barlett and Steele tend to “report matters so selectively – with so little attention to conflicting evidence or any larger context – that ordinary readers are misled.” Surely the authors are not trying to mislead, but the selective nature with which they offer information fails to fully equip average readers who are attempting to shape informed opinions.

The authority with which Barlett and Steele present their case against a market approach to care comes from the depth to which they have researched this topic. Critical Condition is full of facts and studies with seven pages of sources at the end. Marie D. Jones writes in her review of the book for curledup.com, “All of the shocking information in this tragic, but utterly critical book points to one thing. We are on the verge of a major disaster here in the United States, a disaster that will cripple our economy and leave millions ill and without proper care.” The plethora of facts is almost dizzying, and because so little conflicting evidence is presented, the many facts sway readers that what is being read is God’s truth.

So what are readers to do with all this information – demand change from the country’s leaders? Okay, but what kind of change? Barlett and Steele propose a single payer system (read: universal health care coverage) to correct all of this. Readers may find that this book pushes them to elect leaders who have health care reform as a top priority. Reading Critical Condition will cause one to believe that conservatives and other opponents to universalized care simply do not realize that adopting universal coverage would not be a radical move for America. “We already have universal health care for everybody aged sixty-five and over: It’s called Medicare” (138). According to the authors, universal coverage would not mean communist medicine either; rather it would bring American citizens up to par with the other industrial countries and their dedication to providing good health to all people. Jocelyn Chao said it well, albeit through sarcasm, in her editorial on universal health care for The Onion, “What will they tell us next – that everyone deserves a free public education and the ‘right’ to a fair trial?” Americans who believe all people are created equal may conclude that providing universal coverage to all is a very worthwhile goal for America.

Sounds great, except how exactly does that work again? The plan recommended in Critical Condition seems intangible. The short 15-page final chapter devoted to the Author’s solution titled “Remedy” falls short of expectations. Bruce P. Hurter M.D. writes for Psychiatric Services, “Critical Condition is particularly strong in its presentation and documentation of the ‘costs’ of modern medicine,” but it “less clearly presents a framework for remedy” (Hurter). Barlett and Steele mention other countries that benefit from single-payer systems, and an overview of how Canada, Sweden or Japan run their health care programs could have provided some needed clarity. A chapter devoted to examining a working universal health care system could have painted a picture for readers of how it might also work for America. Had they included more support to their claims, Barlett and Steele could have pushed readers from thinking, “Hmm… sounds interesting,” to crying out, “What are we waiting for?”

Despite a weak close, Barlett and Steele have done an outstanding job at presenting their case against America’s Health Care system. Critical Condition: How Health Care in America Became Big Business – and Bad Medicine thoroughly convinces readers of the grave shortcomings of the current system. In the end, Critical Condition is a book full of frightening health care horror stories with no happy ending in sight. Sweet Dreams.

Tell of His goodness

2008-03-11T22:00:00.000-04:00

Our pastor is a man I deeply respect. He walks with God in a way I have seen in very few people throughout my life. Our church has a time of testimonies every week - when people tell of the good things God has done, and a week ago, Pastor Mike asked Andrew if he and I would share a testimony the following Sunday. After some thought, and preparation, we did just that a few days ago. Andrew shared first, then me. The response was overwhelming. And I haven't stopped thinking about it since. Writing out a testimony is a very spiritual experience and I cannot help but get shaken up every time I read it. What follows is my portion of our testimony:

"I’ll start my story a few years ago. Andrew and I were leading a fairly comfortable life. We had two kids and a mortgage. We attended church regularly, and were involved with the youth and/or music ministries.

However, I began to develop issues of unforgiveness – I was judging others who, ironically, I felt were judging me unfairly. Going to church was no longer an enjoyable experience; I just did not want to be around all those people pretending to love me, while I was convinced that they didn’t.

Never did I consider that they may be loving me the best they knew how. I felt very alone. I was unhappy, yet I wasn’t reflecting on the fact that my unhappiness could be connected to this critical and unforgiving attitude I had.

Somehow, God got it through my thick skull that as long as I kept praying and reading the Bible, I would eventually find the peace I knew He wanted for me. After a while God revealed to me that I was missing something – namely His purpose and calling for me. My general distrust in people was jabbing was away at any effectiveness I could have representing Christ to others. He hadn’t called me to be the bitter woman I was becoming. He wanted more for me than barely surviving on each Sunday’s message, choked off from the love of my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I got on my knees – on my face – and prayed and wept, and God began to forgive my pride and heal my bitterness. My eyes opened wide to my sin, and God gave to me the precious gift of a repentant heart. I was aware of the forgiveness that was available to me as a direct result of me forgiving others. Forgiving people who had hurt me and forgiving myself for how I acted in return, is an experience I will treasure always. Because truly, I was not free, and I had not been living until I was forgiven by Christ, who shed his blood for me.

That experience taught me something I thought I already knew: I cannot do Christianity on my own terms. Now that I had learned this lesson of forgiveness, it was clear that over the past few years, I had been settling for status quo Christianity, and I wanted a change. God called me to rise up, to be a woman of prayer, to give Him my all – and stop thinking I have to handle everything on my own. The only way I was going to feel alive again was through prayer and complete devotion to Him. For His great sacrifice of giving His son to die for my sins, I can give nothing less.

Instead of living for my own happiness, I want to be used by God to represent His shining light to people around me. I want my life to reflect God’s love. I have learned the beauty of loving people where they are at, and not expecting others to be perfect – anymore than I am perfect. It is not my place to judge anyone else, or his or her walk with God, but to place my trust in Him.

Andrew and I came together in prayer as we sought God for wisdom, grace and direction. He led us back to Woodlawn, the church we had left a couple years before. I was a very good thing.
I am so thankful God grabbed hold of us when He did. We have seen the power of prayer in our finances, in our children, in our relationships, and in our faith as it increases more than we could have thought possible. We were experiencing some serious financial struggles not too long ago and we prayed, and mediated on scriptures, and God blew away our expectations again and again.

And it’s all because of the power of prayer. When we are people of prayer, God can work in us and through us. The more I learn of his Grace, the more desperate I become for Him to use me.
I want to end with a scripture that has been on my mind the past couple weeks: Matt. 16:24-25 'Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.' Amen!"

God is so holy, so good.

CO2 buildup and mini-vacations

2007-10-05T16:20:00.000-04:00

almost ninety degrees today! all i want to do is be able to wear a sweater and jeans, and cover up - but instead it feels like beach weather in october.

funny: on tuesday my bio. lecture touched on the greenhhouse effect and global warming, and my son read a book about global warming that night.

also: i am so happy that someone offered to scholarship me for our church's women's retreat. next fri-sat. i have been saying a lot lately that i just need a day off. this will be good. waking up in the morning with no one to look after but myself - with friends around too!

last: my dad's surgery is in two weeks, on the 18th. please be praying.

thank you.

2007-09-23T20:37:00.000-04:00

once upon a time, i prided myself on my independance. mistakingly, i assure you. i am not independant, but completely dependant. mostly, i depend on god, and my husband. but lately, i have needed to depend on almost everybody else i know. it is stretching me. humbling me. i cannot do it all. i am not superwoman; i cannot do everything.

going to school while my children are young is a balancing act. but i was thinking the other day, as much as i sometimes say i wish i had gone to school before having babies, perhaps this has worked out even better. had i first gone to school and begun a career, i would have felt more pressure to return to work after a short maternity leave. and i have so cherished these last seven years home with them. so, going to school now will allow me to move right from my degree into working without a long break on my resume. this is good.

i think all this will work, but not on my own account. it will be because of the many family and friends who gave of themselves to allow me the priveledge of returning to school. those wonderful angels i know who have driven my kids from here to there, or cared for them when i just couldn't. i won't credit the source, but it does take a village to raise a child. i don't deserve help - and that's probably why it's so humbling to accept it. and i seem to need so much of it lately, that i feel it's unlikely i'll ever be able to repay everyone. but i am so thankful, because without you precious people, i'd have to put off schooling, and the hope of doing something i love and earning income, for years.

so, i feel like shouting from the rooftop, from the bottom of my heart, to all who have helped, and you know who you are: thank you!!!

the assignment:

2007-09-18T22:45:00.000-04:00

write 4-6 paragraphs in thesis support format, in third person, using semi-formal word choices.

the product:

Rewards of Parenting

Parenting is one of the most selfless paths in life. Rearing children and equipping them for life is truly a difficult task. It is a job that requires sometimes unimaginable strength, patience and perseverance from the parent, yet offers no material compensation. There is hope, though, for these sometimes exhausted individuals who are charged with the awesome responsibility of shaping the generations to come. Parents who are careful to invest in their children’s lives will indeed reap great benefits.

Quality parenting often involves large quantities of time spent with the children, and this time can be as rewarding for the parents as it is for their children. While interacting with their youth, parents often watch in wonder at their children’s little faces, and almost be able to see the learning and growth happening right before their eyes. As parents teach their five-year-old to read, for example, they reap the satisfaction of knowing that through such a relatively simple act, they will have opened countless doors of opportunity for their child. It is a magical time in a child’s life, and a treasure to take part in. Additionally, children who are confident in the love of their parents, in part due to the parents investment of quality time, will not hesitate to let that love shine right back through them. Every spontaneous hug and "I love you," swells the parents’ hearts. And with every carefully scribbled drawing that is given to a parent, children demonstrate their love. These are gifts to be cherished and rewards of the hard work that is parenting – gifts that will be missed if the parent isn’t around to receive them.

Another benefit of a strong parent/child relationship is the trust that ensues. Children are taught to trust their parents through receiving consistent love and discipline. These essential practices allow the children to feel safe in coming to their parents for advice throughout their journey to adulthood. In times of distress, these children have security in knowing they can come to their parents for acceptance and help. Earning the trust of a child rewards parents with a lifetime of conversations that may otherwise have been nonexistent.

At times parenting can be quite difficult, but parents who work hard at giving their children what they need to feel loved and to be successful in life are ensuring a bright future for them. Indeed this sort of relationship will almost certainly produce a well-adjusted, contributing member of society. It is not difficult to find examples of this; words of thanks from a son or daughter to sacrificing and supportive parents can be heard at a graduation ceremonies or on televised award shows. Alas, well-loved children eventually grow up, and leave their parents to form a life all their own, but the sacrifices and gifts given by their parents will not be forgotten. No, they will likely be devoted children for the rest of their lives. And one day, when they become parents themselves, they will have all the tools needed to successfully raise their own young ones. Great parenting from birth is the beginning of a beautiful chain reaction.

There are no clear instructions on how to be a good parent. It is a balance that has to be learned for every unique child / parent relationship. What is clear is that when parents follow their instincts and strive to do their best – pouring love and attention into their children – they themselves benefit from the process. Author Sonia Taitz put it well when she said, "What children take from us they give... We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply." Being a parent has a way of grabbing hold of a person, and has the capability to change a person for the better, in ways they never thought imaginable.

and she got an A.
end story.

i'm still alive.

2007-09-16T22:31:00.000-04:00

promise.

i finished my first college essay tonight. my sister teases me that i am only so excited because my school expreience is just begining... she assures me that in a few years, lectures wont be so interesing, and homework wont be as fun... but gee... i hope that's not true. as much as studying in itself is not something i enjoy, while i am doing it, i am deep down excited to be learning, and using brain muscles that have been dormant for a long while.

tomorrow my son turns seven. he's had one rockin birthday weekend extraveganza. yay! happy day, buddy.

my life is turning - again. i suppose our lives are always shifting and changing. well... with school started, and our house hopefully selling this school year, i know some changes will hit our family a bit. and then there's church. ah, yes. church. it's quite the subject eh? we could talk for days on this subject, and yet in the end, is there really anything to say about it at all? it is what it is.

my husband has a change of career on the brain too. please keep him in your prayers. selling cars is not a career he wakes up excited about, and it's not the best job in this economy for a single income family. we have been praying and feel that his going to school would be good, maybe a computer related track- but the guy works all the time, so that will be very difficult to say the least... sigh....

anyway. i am hopeful for the future, it looks good to me.

dear blog.

2007-09-07T22:00:00.000-04:00

i have some friday night unloading to do.

what a day, huh? i say that a lot. the complexities and sress of life never cease to amaze me!
here i sit with my ultra-cold, slightly skunky german beer. my husband will buy any beer that has a german name - skunky or not.

we got new carpet installed today. well, sort of. they were three hours late and didnt have time to finish, so our steps are still bare. what?! three hours late to work and they didn't have time to finish? that's crazy. ummm.... can't people in other jobs get fired for that sort of thing? and unfortunately i couldn't argue with them very well because english was barely their second language. ugh.

in the middle of this crazy day, i got a phone call. my sister called to update me on the results of the angiogram my dad had today. this was a routine test to check on his burst anurism that was operated on in July. and the news isnt the best. the coils they placed inside the anurism to cause the blood to clot have shrunk, and thus, are not helping clot as much as needed, AND the anurism has grown. he is scheduled for brain surgery.

are you kidding me? i couldnt believe it. i was so certain that this test was going to confirm his smooth recovery. so i stood in my torn apart, half-carpeted house and cried for a brief second. the future is uncertain. i know i'll survive, and come out stronger. *i dont think he is dying soon* but if i'm wrong, Lord, i'm not ready for my dad to die.

------

part II of my thoughts tonight is so completely polar opposite of the sadness and stress of the previous paragraphs.

i am so freakin busy ! woo hoooo! but it's not without purpose. i love this busyness. i love love LOVE being a student. i love having to study. i love listening to lectures. i have had so much fun at school this week. oh! yesterday i got to use a great microscope. just practicing with it of course, but MICROSCOPES are SO COOL! i want one. i got 10/10 on my first bio. assignment. so far so good.

and my english instructor is a dream! he is seventy years old, and has been teaching at OCC since it began in Royal Oak. I love his approach to teaching, and his sense of humor. i think i smiled through most of his class. he totally reminds me of a masculine grandma barbara (my husband's paternal grandmother.)

so, while i am crazy busy, i am somewhere deep inside having fun.
those are my thoughts tonight, dear blog. tomorrow i go to my dad's all day to spend time with him ( he needs company for 24 hours after his test...) and then off the grandma barbara's 79th birthday party. Sunday however, is MY day. well - OUR day. andrew and i will have all sorts of anniversary fun on Sunday.

"itinerary for 8th anniversary celebraions!

sat
8pm- drop off kids

sun
8am- wake up!

8:45-9ish- breakfast at waffle and omelette cafe in plymouth

10:30-11ish- IKEA madness and swedballs

1pm- real seafood co.

2:30-3ish- go to the arb, window shop, etc.

5:45pm- dinner at melange

8pm- ??? movie? two days in paris.

10ish- go home and collapse in a heap

xo"

---

i know. he's a catch. i love him. so much.

portfolio of beauty

2007-08-19T22:02:00.000-04:00

a look at the artwork of my husband, andrew m. ellison

i could look at these all day. i pray that someday andrew would have time to sit at an easel and create some more.
xo

The day of quizzes.

2007-08-17T10:58:00.000-04:00

i was tagged by kris (http://www.krisdmurphy.typepad.com/)

The Rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.

2. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.

3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their 8 things) and post these rules.

4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.

5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

alrighty... random facts or habits.

1. i'd rather eat with my fingers than utensils. i loved visiting india for that reason. god gave us these opposable thumbs for a reason - they work so well. and sometimes, when i'm eating dinner with just the kids, i realize halfway through that i havent picked up my fork yet. such a barbarian, i know. to be fair, some things need a fork though - like spagetti.

2. i like painting my walls - for the first five minutes. after that, every stroke is like fingernails on a blackboard.

3. since our car was stolen, i get up in the middle of the night at least a few times a week and check out my window to make sure the cars are still there.

4. i'm the queen of belting out songs over and over until my kids tell me they're getting a headache. hey - i'm just having fun, and if it happens to give them a taste of their own medicine at the same time, all the better.

5. i read the obituaries every sunday.

6. i started reading straight through the bible almost three years ago, and i'm still in Isaiah - i'm enjoying the journey though.

7. staples in my diet: coffee. sugar free hazelnut creamer. peanut butter. coffee. sausage. choclate milk. popcorn. coffee. chips and salsa. pickles. avacados. coffee. and leftovers.

8. i made it this far. can't i think of one more? oh! i know! why dont you all list one random/weird fact/habit about me! that sounds like fun. like: she types is all lowercase 'cause she's lazy and doesn't know how to use spell check!

i tag: danielle, nikki, melody, cheryl, shannon, hannah, jeremy, and what the heck, shall i dare say andrew?

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from lilyma:

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Write down what it says:

Georgia occupied a fortunate postion in the family.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can...what do you touch first?

A coaster

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, what time is it. 10:45am

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?

only 10! yay.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

sesame street counting to 14.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

last night, to grill some kabobs and weed my "gardens"

8. Before you came to this website, what were you looking at?

my family as simpons at simpsonizeme.com

9. What are you wearing?

oh-so-cozy jammies.

10. What did you dream last night?

na. who knows.

11. When did you last laugh?

when making breakfast - something silly, but dont remember what

12. What's on the walls of the room you're in?

A clock, a print, a mirror, a wierd guitar/harp thingy from (egypt?)

13. Seen anything weird lately?

that guitar harp thingy on my wall.

14. What do you think of this survey?

i dont

15. What's the last film you saw?

The Bourne Ultimatum (x2)

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?

your love :P

17. State something about yourself most people don’t know.

i cant remember what my bellybutton looked like before babies.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, what would you change?

my face would be on the dollar bill of course.

19. Do you like to dance?

totally. but, being a married woman whose husband isnt all that fond of dancing, my dancing options are severly limited.

20. What is one trip you would like to take right now?

right now? somewhere fun for my anniversary. away. a hotel with big bath tubs and sparkling pools and great food.

21. Would you ever consider living abroad?

in a heartbeat. africa. england. not australia - hate the accent.

IF YOU READ THIS ALL THE WAY THROUGH YOU ARE OFFICIALLY TAGGED TO DO IT TOO.

thanks lillyma.

time to unload...

2007-08-02T21:55:00.000-04:00

i'm all ready for my garage sale (not at my house) i hope to make a few extra bucks over the next couple days to put toward school stuff for me and the kids.

stuff. yeesh. what a word. anyway.

here i sit, sweating. i feel like i've been sweating for weeks, but especially these past couple days. dog days like these make me appreciate the other three seasons that much more.

i want to show you something:

this is one of my all time favorite birthday gifts ever. there's a story here. a few months ago, during the last weeks of school, i drove by a garage sale. i dont stop at garage sales often, but i had time, so i thought 'why not.' i saw this dresser/night stand for thirty bucks, and i couldnt think of a reason NOT to buy it. in my purse i had a little birthday money from andrew's grandparents and my dad, and i have been wanting a new dresser forever. (i've had the same hand-me down dresser since i was 15 ... and it was my brothers for probably ten years before it was mine.)

i fell in love with these pieces ( the owner said it was from 1970ish, i was thinking late sixties?) it's solid furniture, dovetailed. i totally acted on impulse and bought it and brought it home. it sat in my garage, sanded and washed and waiting for my crazy month of june to be over. and a few weeks ago my husband gave me such a gift when he sprayed a fresh coat of paint on it, and screwed on some shiny new hardware. anywho - i am thankful for andrew and his hard work and wanted to show it off a bit.

i didn't intend to write that much about the silly dresser. oh well. out it came, and there it stays.

what i really wanted to write about tonight was something bigger. more grand than i can explain. in my mind are thoughts about faith. what it is - and isn't. why i've been afraid of it. i've been hoping for some time now. but i am praying and desiring the step beyond hope which is faith. for instance my hope in knowing that God CAN heal us versus the faith that says he WILL heal us. i have stayed so far away from faith because of situations that turned me off from it. people/doctrines that teach a faith that's formulaic, manipulative or selfish.

i've been thinking. i've been praying. i am tired of standing back and letting life happen and hoping for the best, instead of stepping up, getting on my knees and doing something about it. i want to have something better than hope to offer the world. i want to have faith, backed up by deeds, to show others that there is a loving God in our midst - waiting for someone to believe and take hold of what he taught his first disciples so long ago. i want that. i'm still thinking, and praying, and i have nothing figured out. but this is heavy on my heart and exciting to my soul.

xo

Simply Maaahrrrvelous.

2007-07-17T22:08:00.000-04:00

ahh! after being without internet for what seemed like FOREVER, we finally have a connection. it's marvelous.

what a busy summer it's been, no? this has to be some sort of personal record for me. it's late, and i'm exhausted, but i assure you, now that i have internet access, i will be writing again soon.

a few quick updates: on monday my dad had his last doctors' visit for the next few months, and the doctor called him "the miracle man." the doc. couldn't believe how well my dad looked. he gave dad the okay to drive again, and today was his first day back to work. (wonderfully he works mostly from home, so he can take naps if he needs to.) i am relieved.

i've done a lot of footwork for starting college. registration starts online or via-phone tomorrow at 7am. i will be taking a biology and an english course. a total of three days a week in the classroom. here i go!

AND!!!!! Happy Birthday Kevin!!!!!!

"and now it's time to say good night. we will sleep with our pet zeep. today is gone. today was fun. tomorrow is another one. every day, from here to there, funny things are everywhere."

randomness from my random thinkin brain

2007-07-02T20:57:00.000-04:00

i love bare feet. i'm not sure it's the best thing for my knees/back, etc... but i love it. i love my peppermint foot lotion and coconut foot creme that andrew bought for me. they make me feel pampered.
we had late lunch ( or early dinner?) hey, by the way, why do they have a word for late breakfast (brunch) but not late lunch? how about we call it lupper (lunch/supper)? we had lupper with some old friends we hadn't seen in waaaaay too long. they have twice as many kids as us, but two of theirs are the same ages as ours. the kids played beautifully, and we had such a great time. it's one of those situations where you cant figure out why you ever drifted apart in the first place. my brain knows it's because we were busy, and our lives took us in to different places. but it was good to see them and i look forward to having them to our place soon.
and wouldn't you know it? drew's parents called today and asked if the kids could spend the night tonight. they missed the kids, and woooHoooo!!! yeah, that's all i can say about that.
there are times in life when my instinct tells me to run and hide. from problems, confrontations, challenges. when i choose to fight those feelings, it's scary as hell, but the feeling of growth afterward is so rewarding.
i am on my way to seeing some of my dreams come true. it seems like i have been saying that i am going to go to college for ages. always in the future tense. but. BUT. dare i say it. i am going to college this fall. i applied for the FAFSA, i applied to OCC and made an appointment with a counselor. there are no words to describe my heart right now. i am slightly nervous, but super excited, and feel like this is similar to a long awaited pregnancy. i've waited and wanted it for soo long, and it's finally come. my plans? possibly spend a while at OCC then transfer my credits to Wayne State and someday become a Registered Nurse. Nursing is something i have always wanted to do, even before my favorite TV shows were ER, Greys Anatomy, Scrubs and House. but i never believed in myself enough to think i could do it. didn't think i was smart enough quite honestly. but seeing the hundreds of nurses this month that i've seen helped me to see that it IS something i could do. i CAN do it. i am so excited about nursing.

went to visit dad again this morning.

2007-06-25T09:34:00.000-04:00

the home-care nurse came by, and after his check-up told him that he no longer requires 24 hour care. that has been confirmed by his neurologist. all i can say is Praise the Lord! i''m glad he is doing so well. he's coming along just fine. he needs to be checked on daily - but that's no big deal. i'll take him to a doc. appt on wednesday, and see him again friday, and maybe buy him groceries both days - the man is used to buying fresh food every day, so not being able to drive is getting to him. but i have his keys! hee hee.

every so often a cliche can become very real to me. for instance - live every moment as though it was your last. now, i've always believed that. i didnt think i could believe it more. but i do. every interaction with friends, family and strangers is suddenly so much more important. i am not sure how much longer my father will be with me, i am not sure how much longer ANYone will be with me. tomorrow isn't guaranteed. leave nothinig unsaid. no one un-hugged. say i love you everytime you think it. we are human, mortal and fragile.

looking up

2007-06-22T21:28:00.000-04:00

sitting in my car tonight at twenty mile and livernois, i couldnt bring myself to drive. my thinking was blurred and all i could do was cry. then, praying a prayer without words, i shook myself and i knew that i needed to stop the tears. having done all to stand, stand therefore. i need to hang on to hope and confidence in our all-knowing Father.

my dad wad released from beaumont this afternoon. his tests results from yesterday came back and there were no new concerns. that was good to hear. there was confusion today over where he was to go after leaving the hospital. as it turns out, because my father can walk and talk, insurance wont cover the care facitilities we had planned to take him to. so my dad is now back in his condo, but will need someone with him 24/7 for at least 2-4 weeks or until his doc. gives the okay. wonderfully his sister is staying with him for at least the weekend. i am releived she is doing that, i was starting to feel that because i am the stay-at-home mom, the long hours would all fall to me. better to share.

i'm certain the kids and i will be spending lots of time there this next month. and he's not close-by so we'll be hunting for good gas between here and troy for sure!

that's the update.

xox

how was my day today?

2007-06-21T23:05:00.000-04:00

as my dad would say, "that IS the question."

i am completely drained and worn and confused. i feel fine, and strong when i am with him, but everytime i leave his room or the hospital i have a moment of release - venting the stress with tears. the stress of the unknown. what does his future hold? what role will i play in it? what will the cat scan results be? ugh!!!!!! lord god almighty i need you.

i really miss my children, i want to hold them forever. cuddle them, smell them, push them on the swing. listen to them whine. whatever. i know this is just for a time. me hanging out in an un-kid friendly hospital. soon they'll be able to come with me to visit grandpa.

my dad scared me a bit today. i went in early because i heard a rumor that he was to be released. but then he had one last MRA that showed that his ruptured aneurism was slowly filling with blood. the neurosurgeon will be watching that closely apparently. yeah. so i waited with him all day for someone to come sign him out, until his headache grew worse and they decided he needed another CAT scan. which they didnt get to until i was leaving for the night around 8pm. they also want to do a doppler on his legs to rule out blood clots. (he's been having great pain in both his legs.)

but i tell you, this has just been an emotional week. emotions flying everywhere. dad has given his words of wisdom to every visitor. teary eyed and full of love, it's as if he's giving his last words. it's hard to take in such latge doses. all day today we had such good talks - that i'll remember forever - but it's hard. it's hard to see him want nothig else than to go home and get in his bed, and i cant just say yes. i hate seeing him hurt. he's been in so much pain this week, mostly his head hurts. it's hard to watch. but i want to be there for him. he keeps saying how much it means to have me there with him. how comforting it is. and i wouldnt have it any other way. i've gotten to hear stories i've never heard before about his parents and his life.

well now, there's a chance he'll be discharged tomorrow and then he's moving to an acute care facilty where he can have a little physical therapy and some neuro/psych therapy, and most importantly have someone with him 24/7. he'll be there for a couple weeks i think. then back to his condo.

gosh - if anyone's still reading this - thank you guys. thank you hannah and jenny and shannon for the DELICIOUS food - thank you meldoy for the food you made that i wasnt home to receive yet, thank you cheryl for calling and sending your love, thank you shannon for taking such good care of my kids and taking them to swim class. thank you to danielle and nikki ad all my family for your kind words and prayers. thank you, thank you , thank you all.

first and foremost

2007-06-18T21:30:00.000-04:00

first and foremost: thank you to all who expressed concern for me and my family this past week. i truly felt loved and cared for.

my father was moved to a progessive care unit today - a step down from the ICU. he's got his own shower and a plasma TV - i'm not sure he's going to want to leave. physically he is doing very well. it will be some time still before we're certain how much this has affected him mentally.

now onto the sillines of life:

in my quest for a good box of haircolor i think i may have found success. i am very pleased with the color i used today - it looks exactly like it did six weeks ago when my mom treated me to a proffessional colorist. so now, i just have to remember which one it is, and pray L'oreal doesn't discontinue it! it's preference by loreal, 4G - dark golden brown. yay!

the kidlets started swim class today. they're both level one - -but my goal is to give them classes for the next four years or so until they KNOW how to swim. until they are so comfortable in the water that you could drop them off in the middle of a lake and tell them to swim to shore and they wont be afraid. no fear.

also - my oh my i am officialky a morning person. i never would've thought it possible when i was in highschool staying up till two am weekdays, and sleeping through first hour. but for over a week now i have woke up BEFORE six am - WITHOUT an alarm. it's crazy. it's cool. i love mornings anyway - it's such a peaceful but productive time of the day. the only problem i'm having is that i'm no good for socializing past 8 or 9. but: spending a few minutes in a quiet house, sitting on the couch stroking my kitty ( who LOVES and needs morning cuddle time) and drinking coffee - and having time to do laundry and tidy up before anybody else is awake - that is truly enjoyable. i hope it lasts.

de-briefed.

2007-06-13T23:26:00.000-04:00

not that y'all really need to know all this, but i think it may be therapeutic to type out a little of what's happened with my dad.

saturday afternoon he was going for a bike ride, and while riding along a major road he experienced a headache unlike anything he'd ever experienced. the pain was so intense he crashed his bicycle in the middle of the street. a very kind stranger saw him, and pulled him over to the sidewalk and called an ambulance.

at troy beaumont hospital they ran some tests and discovered he'd burst an aneurism in his frontal lobe and he had another minor aneurism that hadn't burst. they transferred him to Royal Oak beaumont where there was a better neuro team. saturday night they performed a surgery, going up through his leg and placing some negatively charged coils into his brain, into the aneurism to clot it, and stop the hemorrhaging. the waiting was hard, but finally at 2:30am the doctor came in and told us that dad was stable, but we'd have to watch him carefully over the next couple weeks.

they woke him up from his induced coma. this was hard to watch. he was struggling, and afraid. he made faces that scared me, but he was asleep. finally he woke up.

sunday through monday i was able to spend a lot of time holding his hand and stroking his hair. at one point he was very alert and making jokes nonstop. monday night, around 2am, he suffered some VTAC (?) issues - irregular heart rhythm stuff. tuesday was rough and he complained of severe headaches all day. IV drugs didn't help. tuesday was a quiet day, he was tired and any stimulation (talking, lights etc...) made his situation worse. i sat in the room with him totally silent for hours. just watching him breathe. tuesday we learned that he had in fact suffered two strokes on saturday. my brother and his new wife got into town that day and were able to visit for a while.

i got a call wednesday (today? yes. today.) that the doctors were concerned about him - his processing was getting slower, he was more tired, the headaches were nonstop, and his blood-pressure had sky-rocketed at one point up to 217/110. they had to do yet another (maybe his third?) CAT scan, and perform a second brain surgery to relieve pressure and check for spasms. that was our day today. waiting for results. the doctors thought he may not make it through the surgery because of his heart issues. but he did. and the surgery went well. they didn't find any vasospasms.

he will be in the ICU 10-14 more days. it will be touch and go for that long. they may have to repeat the surgery a few more times.

i'm getting very familiar with beaumont hospital. and i'm missing my husband and kids. and i've inherited my dad's cat.

mostly i'm tired.

Doing Some E-Research

2007-06-12T00:50:00.000-04:00

"A cerebral aneurysm occurs at a weak point in the wall of a blood vessel (artery) that supplies blood to the brain. Because of the flaw, the artery wall bulges outward and fills with blood. This bulge is called an aneurysm. An aneurysm can rupture, spilling blood into the surrounding body tissue. A ruptured cerebral aneurysm can cause permanent brain damage, disability, or death.

"An unruptured aneurysm may not cause any symptoms over an entire lifetime. Surgical clip ligation will ensure that it won't rupture, but it may be better to leave the aneurysm alone in some cases. Familial cerebral aneurysms may rupture earlier than those without a genetic link.

"The outlook is not as good for a person who suffers a ruptured aneurysm. Fifteen to twenty-five percent of people who experience a ruptured aneurysm do not survive. An additional 25–50% die as a result of complications associated with the hemorrhage. Of the survivors, 15–50% suffer permanent brain damage and disability. These conditions are caused by the death of nerve cells. Nerve cells can be destroyed by the hemorrhage itself or by complications from the hemorrhage, such as vasospasm or hydrocephalus. Hydrocephalus, a dilatation (expansion) of the fluid-filled cavity surrounding the brain, occurs in about 15% of cases. Immediate medical treatment is vital to prevent further complications and brain damage in those who survive the initial rupture.

"The primary treatment for a ruptured aneurysm involves stabilizing the victim's condition, treating the immediate symptoms, and promptly assessing further treatment options, especially surgical procedures. The patient may require mechanical ventilation, oxygen, and fluids. Medications may be given to prevent major secondary complications such as seizures, rebleeding, and vasospasm (narrowing of the affected blood vessel). Vasospasm decreases blood flow to the brain and causes the death of nerve cells. A drug such as nimodipine (Nimotop) may help prevent vasospasm by relaxing the smooth muscle tissue of the arteries. Even with treatment, however, vasospasm may cause stroke or death.

"To prevent further hemorrhage from the aneurysm, it must be removed from circulation. In general, surgical procedures should be performed as soon as possible to prevent rebleeding. The chances that aneurysm will rebleed are greatest in the first 24 hours, and vasospasm usually does not occur until 72 hours or more after rupture. If the patient is in poor condition or if there is vasospasm or other complication, surgical procedures may be delayed."

i am frustrated, worn thin, scared, confused, worried for my father. i love him more than i can ever say.

thank you for all the phone calls, and help. i dont know what i would do without such great friends. please pray god's will for this situation.

Come sail away me...

2007-05-25T22:25:00.000-04:00

(me and my sisters, marrae and kelly.
to be fair, this is not the best shot of my gorgeous sister kelly, but it's the only one i have of the three of us together.)

yet another thing i've always wanted to learn: sailing.
i'm finally going to get a chance at this one. my dad can sail, and he's rented a boat for next weekend and he'll be taking me and my sisters out for a day. i'm soooooo excited. i'm gonna be like a real pirate. arrgh. i'd love to someday call sailing a hobby. like when i'm forty and stinkin rich. sounds good, right? anyway, he gave me this book to study so i can hopefully be of some help...

Currently ReadingBasic Keelboat (U.S. Sailing Certification) (U.S. Sailing Certification)By Monk Henrysee related

bits of my day

2007-05-22T20:23:00.000-04:00

no where else in the world is there a neighborhood that gets more ice cream truck visits than us. we had four drive by tonight. my kids are going crazy and it's not even june yet. "pleeeeeeeeeeease mom." the pleading looks, and desperate body language. i'm sure my kids think that everyone but them gets ice cream from a truck every night. oh well. they get it a couple times a month. poor, poor deprived children.
------------

andrew's getting some exercise tonight -mountain biking with his friend, jim. i love it when he gets to mountain bike - he always comes home stinky, sweaty and exhausted - but proud. i love to hear his subtle excitement when he tells me that he left someone in the dust on the straight paths. but i miss him when he's gone. i am a selfish woman who likes him home with me as much a possible. but i hide it and i'm always pushing him out the door to hang out with friends and do things.
------------
landscaping is not my forte. i very much appreciate the beauty of a well-landscaped yard, but i feel stuck in a rut with my own. a few years ago i hastily planted a few things in the empty front yard - and it looks OKAY - but too crowded and squished up against the house. and not everything i planted is thriving. ?? yet i feel afraid to try and fix it because i know SO little about gardening - and i kill so much. and my backyard hasnt changed since we bought the house. nothing but grass framed by weeds. it's a great country look. :) there are SOOO many weeds - and i dont want to spend lots on new plants - so i thought just leave it; it's impossible. but lately i'm inspired to dig-in and do what i can. so i DUMPED weed killer all along the worst weed section today - and i'm hoping to start there with a pretty new bed of some inexpensive hard to kill, you-can-run-over-it-with-the-car hearty shade plants. it's a start.
i'm tired today. there are toys everywhere, dishes in the sink, and laundry unfolded on my couch. and here i am blogging. yeesh. g'night.

boy o boy.

2007-05-15T21:45:00.000-04:00

cute story. outside in my back yard this morning with my 3 year old daughter. my daughter does not have my fear of bugs. she picks up, and usually unknowingly tortures, anything she can. ants, ladybugs, flies.... today she came up to me with a pill bug in her hand. she pointed out a jar in the garage she wanted me to get down for him to live in. i got the container and she dropped her friend in. we gave him some dirt to crawl in and some grass to play on. we brought him in the house. her very own pet. what is his name? i ask.

"roly poly" she answers. "I'm going to keep him in here, and he's gonna grow big. and then we're going to play cards."

"you're going to play cards with him?"

"yeah, we're going to play cards. he is very good at cards. he has sooooo many hands." :-)

May has been a boy-oh-boy stressful month for me. some good stress, some not-so-good. i am fighting hard to make some good of all of it, and not allow the depression that comes so easily to me. i think it's working. forbidding feelings of helplessness. it feels good knowing that i can go through something that is not fun, and take it as an opportunity to make a healthy decision to postively impact my world. but i would just like to handle this situation on my plate before any more surprises come my way. one break through at a time please. youch.

Happy Mothers Day, Mom.

2007-05-12T20:33:00.000-04:00

you and i are alike in many ways.

my favorite thing i got from you is the late night hysterical laughing fits. i have your eyes, (although a different color) and i have your crazy curls, but not your pretty feet.

thank you for showing me how to keep a neat house - even though my space in your house as a child was never as clean as it could have been. eventually when i had a house of my own, i had a great example to look to.

mom, i appreciate all you had to do when times were tough. i'll never know how tough it was. thank you for all the years and the hard work. raising children is such an enormous responsibilty. the weight can be hard to bear sometimes. i am amazed that you did it (and are doing it) FIVE TIMES. oi!

oh, and yes - the picture above is the only one i have of the two of us where your head is not smaller than mine!

happy day, momma. i love you.

......................